The rajador – La Galerna

Throughout a battle, Marshal Foch requested one in all his discipline aids for a lightweight to gentle his cigarette. He approached with a lighter when immediately: increase! a bullet burst via his head. The marshal, with out altering one bit, checked out one other assistant who was close by:

— Let’s examine if I’ve extra luck with you…

This story completely illustrates that there are very disagreeable jobs, like Marshal Foch’s discipline help, however somebody has to do them. George Orwell as soon as stated that betting on horse racing is a dependable solution to make a dwelling in comparison with being a author. I’m a author (roughly), so I can attest that it’s true.

I am additionally an editor, which makes me type of a piece schizophrenic, type of like being a canine and a veterinarian on the identical time. The evil multinational to which I invoice my working hours is Penguin Random Home. In Spain there are two giant publishing teams, one is Penguin and the opposite is Planeta. An editor I do know normally says that they’re just like the Madrid and Barça of the world, however he by no means specifies which of the 2 is the merengue and which is the culé. Though I remind you that one in all them presents the Planeta Prize, which can function a clue.

There are worse jobs than editor, however do not suppose it is a cut price both. Typically I’ve to learn creepy manuscripts. After I was youthful I labored at a McDonald’s, however even right now I nonetheless eat their hamburgers infrequently; Now I work as an editor and I nonetheless learn books for pleasure; which signifies that I should have a bomb-proof abdomen. Being an editor signifies that at any second you may obtain a manuscript by, I do not know, Pavel Fernández, for instance, and that not solely do it’s important to learn it via the nostril however you additionally should attempt to enhance it. I’ve nightmares about that chance, as a result of I am positive that Pavel Fernández is a kind of sorts of writers who ship you the manuscript with out indentations, with the pages unnumbered and utilizing brief dashes for the dialogues as an alternative of lengthy dashes (all three issues that make me very sick). Or perhaps he sends it to you written in pen in a spiral pocket book, with crossouts and drawings within the margins. What do I do know? The one factor I’m clear about is that I haven’t got the energy to edit a textual content filled with digressions about psychological offside.

I like my job to a sure extent, however I additionally dream of getting a greater one. Vázquez Montalbán used to say that he want to be Normal Secretary of the Communist Social gathering to search out out if communism actually works, or Pope of Rome to search out out if God exists. What I would love is to be coach of Actual Madrid.

My aspiration is nothing unique. Each Spaniard has inside him a president of the federal government and a soccer coach. I suppose it is because of our behavior of pondering that we will do issues higher than anybody else. The good nationwide sin isn’t envy, it’s “get away, you do not know about this, I am going to clarify to you how one can do it.” It is vitally Iberian to imagine that our capabilities are all the time higher than these of our neighbor.

Nonetheless, I guarantee you that I need to be Actual Madrid coach not as a result of I believe I can do it higher than an Ancelotti, a Xabi Alonso or perhaps a Rafa Benítez. No. I need to coach the Concha Espina membership so I can have the pleasure of going out at a press convention and criticizing everybody: Laporta, Tebas, the CTA, the press and the rise within the self-employed quota; like this, with out filters or concealments: ship everybody to the sack and keep extra snug than anybody else.

I may do it with out the membership or I having any concern of being sanctioned and even having my license withdrawn for all times, since Actual Madrid wouldn’t lose an excessive amount of if I ended being their coach, as a result of I might be a horrible coach. However it might minimize very nicely. And that is what it is all about, in any case.

I guarantee you that I need to be Actual Madrid coach not as a result of I believe I can do it higher than an Ancelotti, a Xabi Alonso or perhaps a Rafa Benítez. No. I need to practice the Concha Espina membership so I can have the pleasure of showing at a press convention and getting indignant with everybody.

Actual Madrid wants a very good scorer in its squad, somebody aside from Xabi Alonso, who has sufficient of the obligations of his place with out doing the work of a bullfighter. In a number of days a Madrid-Barça match can be performed and I concern {that a} competent scorer can be wanted for that match. When the match ends with the consequence that all of us suspect, somebody from the squad should go earlier than the microphones to name white for white and black for black with out concern of reprisals from the competent authority.

Not too long ago Thibaut Courtois has proven nice ability as a scorer, unambiguously denouncing all of the methods of our soccer. That is superb, however we will not burn our greatest goalkeeper in these duties. Your factor ought to be to cease, not minimize. It’s best to exempt him from that job.

Andrey Lunin could possibly be, a priori, a dependable slasher. Think about the scene: the sport ends, the El Partidazo coach approaches him in search of headlines and asks: “Lunin, what did you consider the referee’s efficiency?” Then the Ukrainian pierces him along with his icy eyes, his expression emotionless, and mutters: “What did you suppose?” The artichoke employee begins to sweat blood, his legs tremble and he should instantly be admitted urgently for an nervousness disaster that results in his subsequent career of vows as a Capuchin monk, plagued for the remainder of his life by recurring nightmares about Andrey Lunin’s gaze. A priori it sounds good, however the job of a reliable cracker ought to be to say issues clearly, to not terrify journalists. Lunin, due to this fact, discarded.

Actual Madrid wants a very good scorer of their squad, somebody aside from Xabi Alonso. In a number of days a Madrid-Barça match can be performed and I’m very afraid {that a} competent scorer can be wanted for that match

Arda Güler, who might be the sharpest mind within the squad for the reason that departure of Toni Kroos, may, for that motive, be a very good slasher. The unhealthy factor is that the journalist on obligation would ask him about (for instance) the Negreira case, and Güler would most likely reply with an extended dissertation on ethics within the texts of Avicenna and Maximus the Confessor, leaving the artichoke man trying like an fool and never realizing something. Güler, due to this fact, doesn’t function a splitter. Güler should philosophize on the sphere, establishing mystical connections with forwards that transcend metaphysics, as he has been doing these days.

Perhaps a few of you suppose that Carvajal could be a dependable splitter, however that could be a quite common mistake. We love Carvajal very a lot right here, however he suffers from a vice very attribute of the Spanish captains of Actual Madrid: after they put on the membership’s shirt they’re roughly competent slashers, however they slash fatally after they play with the Spanish workforce. In that context, they begin saying issues like that referees generally provide you with and generally take you away, that their job may be very sophisticated, that how stunning love is greater than ever in spring and that sort of issues. As splitters, they play nicely at dwelling, however very poorly as guests. It’s advisable to rule them out for that place.

One of the best factor could be that within the subsequent winter market Florentino Pérez undertakes the signing of a very good splitter. The suitable profile could be a man who does not mince phrases and, above all, who does not trigger any harm to the workforce when he spends the season suspended for telling the reality. Somebody like Mariano, for instance, whose absence on the taking part in discipline nobody would discover. The unhealthy factor about Mariano is that you just signal him up as a slasher and as an alternative he spends the day being lazy and making an attempt out bizarre hairstyles.

A ripper should not solely be expendable in matches but additionally charismatic. In that facet, Fabio Coentrao appears very appropriate to me. I signed Coentrao from the time of the primary Ancelotti as a splitter with out hesitation, however I might suppose a bit of higher concerning the one from right now. You ask this Coentrao about arbitration and he solutions by quoting texts from “The Previous Man and the Sea” and saying I do not know what concerning the turbulent immensity of the oceans. Nothing, let’s go away it the place it’s, with its ships and melancholies.

A way more radical concept happens to me. I have been interested by it for some time and I believe it might be the very best signing that Actual Madrid may make to cowl the place of splitter within the squad. Take word: Antoine Griezmann.

I believe it might be the best choice. Give it some thought: on the one hand, I’ve little question that Griezmann is secretly a madridista via and thru and, alternatively, he has the looks of somebody who has been dying for a very long time to be given the chance to make an enormous distinction.

Replicate on the great torpedo in the midst of the waterline of the Spanish League that might be to signal Griezmann as a Actual Madrid striker. Think about Gonzalo Miró giving the information dwell, recreate in your thoughts the quilt of Marca (ANTOINE GRIEZMANN, NEW REAL MADRID OFFICER). Visualize the following post-match towards Atleti and the scene of Griezmann, wearing pristine white as a result of he has not stepped on the pitch, cracking at will earlier than the microphone of Manolo Lama’s program about Alberola Rojas, the shenanigans of the Tebas-Laporta-Cerezo triangle and Simeone’s grafts. Blessed glory.

Actual Madrid has been advancing soccer for greater than a century. It’s time to take one other step in direction of the longer term and signal the primary scorer in historical past, participant quantity 12, the voice of the sovereign folks. Let or not it’s accomplished. Earlier than Sunday, if doable.

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